Government leak indicates Brexit cancellation plans

An image of a star nosed mole, because we can't show who the actual mole was.

Well done to everyone who spotted that this post was an #AprilFool -  although at the moment (at least in the UK) it's often hard to tell the made up news from the real stuff.

A leak from a mole in Whitehall indicates that Brexit could be halted imminently due to a dearth of sensible reasons for continuing with it.

The un-named source said that a memorandum from Tory party vice chair, James Brainyly from Clevertree noted that although many in the party favoured Brexit, during a brainstorming session, nobody had put forward any benefits that weren’t rapidly demolished during the groups discussion.

In a move described as unorthodox, it is rumoured that May finally made her decision to revoke Article 50 after close friend and former First Secretary of State Fabian Preen indicated that he had done a straw poll of camgirls on Chaturbate earlier in the week and none of them had been able to cum up with reasons of how Brexit would benefit them.

If Article 50 is revoked, this will of course make Theresa May’s position untenable, but at the same time it would be an inopportune time for the party to involve itself in a self-indulgent leadership campaign ending up with another divisive figure leading the Conservatives. There are strong indications from a variety of sources that Shipley MP Dilip Scabies, would be named as her interim successor and would stay in this role until such time as he chose to stand down.

Disgraced former defence secretary Ian Clocks is on record having stated “Brexit seemed a bit of a hoot initially, but rapidly got bogged down in the detail. I think the best thing is if we just cancel it now and pretend it never happened”. He went on to add that “It is likely that the Prime Minister will be talking on Monday 1st April (today) about this decision – she’s never one to miss wheeling out that little podium of hers into the street”.

* Please note that in this report we have used a picture of a star nosed mole, because to put in a picture of our actual mole would reveal their identity. They are quite intriguing creatures though and worth reading up about - although they presumably live blissfully happy lives utterly unaware of the concept of Brexit...